Jamaica: The Jewel of the Caribbean

View from the back of the villa I stayed in at the SeaSand Eco Villas in Negril

I was recently on a trip to Jamaica for a series of work sessions artist management, licensing, royalties and copyright, but it is near impossible to go to Jamaica and not mix work with some R&R!

Jamaica is a beautiful island with beautiful people and a rich and diverse culture. Jamaica has also given the world reggae, dub and dancehall music as well as Bob Marley, Jimmy Cliff and Peter Tosh.

Negril has some of the most beautiful beaches I have ever seen, up there with some of the beaches I have seen in the Seychelles, Cyprus and the Bahamas. It is awesome to be up to your neck in water and still be able to see your toes. Inside the water looking at the horizon, it feels like a giant, humungous infinity pool. There are no big waves like the beaches on the Atlantic coast of Ghana, for example.

I went parasailing, which is one of my favorite things to do. It is a great spiritual experience for me. It is such a relaxing feeling to be up in the air, wrapped up in silence as you take in breathtaking views of the rugged landscape and the vast ocean and even see fish swimming in the water. You should try it if you ever get the chance!

Sunset in Negril

The sunsets are just amazing! They look like pictures out of a photographer's book - photoshopped and made almost unreal with hues of ochre, magenta, cobalt and a million others, painting an awe-inspiring picture. The waters turn a brilliant copper color reflecting  the residual ambient light.

The evenings are particularly romantic, with the warm breeze blowing, the afterglow of the day hinting at the promise of a wonderful evening. You can always go to Hedonism II for a more adult experience.

Just beware of the driving, though. With the narrow single-lane streets, it sometime becomes necessary to pass (overtake) in the oncoming lane and that can be a terrifying experience. Not unlike my experience with driving in Ghana (read that blog post).

But all in all, I loved Negril and I'll be visiting Kingston on my next trip for a different flavor of Jamaica.  If you're ever headed to Negril and would like to have a non-hotel experience and more of a home-away-from-home experience, check out the SeaSand Eco Villas. That's my plug of the day. Now if you have any ideas on things to do and places to go in Jamaica, feel free to share them with us right here on my blog or on Facebook.

Dressing Up - Your Guide to Event Dress Codes

I don't know about you, but I like dressing up. There's something about getting all 'dolled up' that makes one feel glamorous and fabulous. For others, navigating the rules of style for anything more than a casual affair is enough to get all nervous.

Does this sound like you, or someone you know? If you can identify with that or need a little refresher, this is for you.

The first cue to the dress code will be the actual invitation. Apart from the line that says "Dress Code", the formality of the invitation will tell you how formal an event it is.

White tie

This is considered the most formal style of all. Very few people every have to attend such events, which usually include state functions and very prestigious ceremonial events. For men, this will require a jacket with tails and cut to the waist in the front, a white waistcoat, black patent shoes, and, of course, a white bow-tie.

For women, it has to be a full-length evening gown. Anything above the ankles, such as a cocktail dress is inappropriate. For the most formal of balls, the gown might be required to be white. You will find that many women will wear a fur wrap and long gloves as well.

Black tie or Formal

A black tie event is the less formal counterpoint to the white tie event. Tailcoats are not required for men, and a dinner jacket - or a tuxedo in the US - is worn instead. These come in different styles and are worn with a black bow-tie. Even though a white or cream-colored shirt is typically worn to set off the black tie, a man who wants to stand out may wear a light colored shirt of his choice. That would be me!

The rules seem to be changing for women in recent times. Anything formal calls for a floor-length dress. Today, however, a three-quarter length dress is considered acceptable for some events. Typical accessories would include evening sandals and evening bag, usually of silk, velvet, satin or similar fabric. In my opinion, you can never go wrong with a floor-length gown for this kind of event.

Black Tie Optional

For this kind of event, a dinner jacket or tuxedo is safe, but a dark suit with a tie will also be totally acceptable. This is usually the case with business event dinners. Women wear long gowns, but other evening dresses and separates are also acceptable. A new trend is dress codes described as "Creative Black Tie". This is a variation of the 'black tie optional' and gives even greater latitude for personal style. A dinner jacket or tuxedo with a black shirt and no tie, for example will be acceptable.

Cocktail

Event dress codes variably called "Cocktail", "Business Formal", or "Semi-Formal" call for dark suits for men, and cocktail dresses for women. These are usually events that begin around 6pm and usually go on for no longer than a couple of hours, but could include social events such as upscale parties and going to a nightclub. The cut of suits for men can be more fashion forward than businesslike. Cocktail dresses for women can emphasize figure.

So there you are! Not too complicated, I hope. If you have any specific questions, feel free to send me an email at ayite@thelifestylemaven.com or post your question right here on this blog.

If you have any funny faux-pas stories you'd like to share, I'd like to hear them too! Join the conversation on Twitter @thelfstylemaven or on Facebook www.facebook.com/TheLifestyleMaven.

Finding Big Messages in the Small Things

Photo credit: antemortemarts.com

On a recent trip back home, I decided to put myself to use and help my mother de-clutter her home - and in particular, a certain room dividing unit - a la Oprah. You see, mother, bless her heart, loves to keep all sorts of objects as souvenirs and mementoes of bygone years. In this piece of furniture, I found all sorts of things I had no idea she had - class registers from when she run a pre-school, circulars, baby shower and engagement party favors and so much more. As I carefully wrapped and boxed away the fragile objects it seemed like there had been more that I boxed than this cabinet was capable of holding. When it came to the things in the 'throw away' pile, my heart went out to this cabinet!

The cabinet, along with the furniture in the house, holds a very dear place in the story of my family. They were a symbol of overcoming. After my father lost his job as a diplomat, our fortunes changed rather dramatically and we lived a very frugal lifestyle until my father got another job many years later. Changing the furniture, for us, was a new start for us. We were Ponce again able to buy furniture, albeit cheap, but it was very symbolic. As I unloaded this piece of family history, all of this was not lost on me. I remembered how we proudly picked out objects to put in it. It also had a lot of storage, so it was very useful for tucking away the not-so-nice stuff we didn't want guests seeing.

With everything emptied out of it, the cabinet seemed like a ghost of itself: sagging shelves, peeling veneer, doors that fell off their hinges and joints coming apart. I asked some strapping young men to come help me take it out of the house, but that was unnecessary - the cabinet collapsed with one push. Emptied of all its baggage, the cabinet gave up the ghost like a house of cards. It was a very sad and poignant moment.

It made me think of the parallels in our own lives. We accumulate a lot of baggage over the years and struggle under their weight, but we keep chugging along like the little engine that could. We hold on to a lot of emotions, experiences, and perceptions both negative and positive. Sometimes, this spills over into our physical lives in the form of clutter. We jealously guard them, straining under their pressures, but refusing to let go.

Sometimes it helps to remove ourselves from our attachments and objectively purging ourselves of everything and keeping only that which we need for the way forward. It is always feels good to know we can go back to some object or the memory of an event for comfort, but we should pick wisely. We need to occasionally take inventory of our lives and run an audit to make us leaner and lighter for the journey of life. This may mean changing our attitudes, correcting self-defeating behaviors or forgiveness - forgiving others who may have offended us, but also, believe it or not, forgiving ourselves. We can only love ourselves unconditionally after we forgive ourselves for whatever it is we blame ourselves for. And we can't love another person without loving ourselves first. And we are surprised when our human relationships are painful.

Carrying around our heavy baggage affects not just us as individuals, but also everyone else who shares our life in some way. Without realizing it, and by default, we force others to carry our baggage just as we carry others' baggage whether we realize it or not. That is why sometimes when we feel our loads are too heavy, it's because of the other people's loads we share.

Whatever your clean out is - whether it is forgiveness, changing your attitude to someone or a situation - renewing your spirit makes room for newness and positivity in your life. Much as it hurts to let go of things that have, in some twisted way, provided comfort in the past, it is necessary for our growth and forward movement. Unclench your fists. Let go. Release. Submit to the now.

This is what I learnt in the moment that cabinet folded up with almost no help in my mother's living room. It no longer had to be strong and keep it together. But it had to go to make room for new furniture. Look into your life and find those things you're holding on to that do not serve any real purpose. Release them so you can embrace your new life. Remember, it's a good life!

Driving in Ghana - Ménage a beaucoup

Photo courtesy: 2bysea.blogspot.com

It never ceases to amaze me each time I visit Ghana, how intimate an activity as driving can be. With each visit I notice how badly the roads are deteriorating and how much closer is the dance between vehicles, pedestrians and animals as they pirouette around potholes and around each other.

I wince, grimace and squirm on occasion as vehicles skirt literally three inches around pedestrians in a way that would be considered an extreme invasion of personal space at the least, but more likely ‘reckless endangerment’ in other cultures. I watch incredulously as people sashay nonchalantly, three abreast, in the middle of the street, their arms swinging widely, yet languidly, around their ample hips, as drivers operate around them, totally nonplussed. But probably most terrifying are the disabled mendicants, without the use of their lower limbs, who zip and zap between cars on skateboards-turned-wheelchairs with jaw-dropping speed and dexterity. It would be very easy for a driver to miss one of these people, who typically weave between cars below eye level. It is as much a miracle of The Most High as it is a testament of their dexterity that these ‘dodging dervishes’ stay barely half an inch away from being run over by vehicles.

With each year that goes by, the roads in some parts of the city have eroded from dual-carriage lanes to single-carriage lanes riddled with potholes of varying sizes and depths, to slivers of asphalt holding on for dear life. On some stretches, the paved road seems to have completely disappeared; leaving in its wake swaths of ubiquitous red dirt that frequently give rise to mini sandstorms. Ones driving lane is determined not by a centerline, not by a dividing island, but by staking a claim to the less pockmarked side of the street and an impudent refusal to cower in the face of oncoming traffic.

As a driver, the top three priorities are: avoiding potholes and lost portions of road, avoiding other vehicles and finally avoiding pedestrians ­– in that order. As a pedestrian, one needs only concern oneself with picking one’s way through a minor obstacle course – the cars will maneuver around the human traffic. Or not. As an animal…well, all the world’s your living room: fait comme chez toi, as the French would say.

Also fascinating is the incessant, almost orchestral blaring of horns, which, to all intents and purposes, could almost qualify as a codified language in its own right. It is easy to pick out the various distinct messages that go something like this: One short tone followed by one long tone: “Get out of my way”, one long tone would be: “Don’t event think about crossing me, bitch!”. Several staccato bursts means: “I’m in your immediate surroundings – no fast moves, buster!”. A continuous string of staccato one-eighth notes says: “Taxi, anyone?” Two short bursts then a long one would mean: “Whatthafuckyoudothatfor?” Sometimes the horn message is “I just like the way this sounds to me – gotta problem with it?” and the sound of that is only limited by the creativity of the driver, but it’s like porn – you’ll recognize it when you hear it.

Now, while driving (or being driven) here in the land of Africa’s friendliest people might seem like dancing on a tightrope in a straightjacket while balancing an egg on your head, the intimacy almost ensures a lower rate of fatalities because the speed rates are much slower. That said, it doesn’t abate the terror of feeling like a deer in headlights when the car you’re in is in the lane of oncoming traffic hurtling down with all vim and alacrity towards what seems like a perfect head-on collision with an 18-wheeler. And it doesn’t lessen the relief you feel when you gasp because you feel like you just missed your death by the skin of your teeth and nearly pissed your pants.

As the Ghanaians are good at saying, “don’t worry, by happy”, as you feel the steam coming out of your ears. Life’s good.

Negotiating Your Way to Success

We are all involved in negotiations many times a day in our relationships, at work, at school, in traffic and with ourselves. What is fascinating is that much of the time we do not realize we are negotiating unless the stakes are major. Then negotiating appears to be this ferocious monster that gets our pulse racing, palms sweating and emotions frayed.

I was speaking with my very good friend Dennis Johnson - a television and film producing executive who has worked with NBC, ABC and Showtime - and the subject turned to negotiation. Dennis told me of a situation he had to deal with while he was the President and General Manager of a startup network. This company was going through the process for approval from the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) to become a publicly traded company and had been assigned an officer who seemed to be unsupportive. This proved to be a challenge when this officer exhibited a negative attitude and was inconsistent and could be unavailable for weeks at a time.

Negotiating experts would tell you to separate the people from the problem. Dennis took care of the problem of the person to make room for the original problem to be resolved: he approached the officer on a personal level, expressing his concerns and frustrations with the process, but in a non-confrontational way. He established a relationship for mutual gain. Using his usual charm, he won the officer over and the approval process continued smoothly after that. Allowing the emotional expressions of frustration and anger would only have made the situation worse.

In carrying out the day-to-day functions of his job, Mr. Johnson didn't only have to negotiate with people outside his company and you most likely have to negotiate on a daily basis with your co-workers as well, even though you might be on the same side. My friend told me about how he had to negotiate with his business manager who would, in turn, be negotiating with the manager or agent of a talent he wanted to use, who would subsequently be negotiating with their client the talent. In all of these negotiations, it is important to be aware of, and recognize your counterpart's status, as well as the roles they play, since these can determine their interests and positions. Understanding people's interests and positions makes it easier to determine common grounds and issues and helps in creating new options to explore.

Dennis explained how he came to appreciate the role of his business manager once he understood that their job was, to an extent, to protect him from his own creative passions. In the end, he said, "The bottom line is not who wins, but which decision benefits the company the most". Acknowledging this made is easy for him to give more autonomy to his business manager, which, ironically, created a greater sense of affiliation.

I asked him for advice in my own negotiations. His response was: "Be aware of others' perceptions of your power, - leverage it to your advantage, and know when to walk away".

Invaluable advice, if you ask me. Feel free to use it.....Tell them Dennis sent you.

Here's a link to more information on effective negotiating.

Get Definition in Your Upper Arms and Shoulders

Here's my new video on exercises for getting defined upper arms and shoulders:

Inspiring From The Inside Out

 I always think about why I do what I do, why I am The Lifestyle Maven. I don't particularly like writing - though I do a lot of it, I don't care for the way I look on TV and I really wish I could interact with each and every one of you on a personal basis, to see, touch and feel you.

So what motivates me to do what I do? I've always believed in doing what I love to do, especially when it comes to work. But I love to experience everything that life has to offer and it saddens me to see people who don't. My life is full of such rich and wonderful experiences and I enjoy inspiring people to do the same because I believe everyone should have it too.

How I do that is through my blog, e-newspaper, videos and personal appearances. They are the means to an end. I want you to enjoy every bit of your life. In the process, I enjoy life as well and am able to share even more experiences with you. It always fills my heart with joy when I get emails and comments from you. It doesn't matter if it is a critique, a question, or a compliment. All it says to me is that someone is reading, watching, listening somewhere in the world and I have been able to touch someone in some way.

Here is a TED talk by Simon Sinek I stumbled upon which really resonated with me. I hope it inspires you as well.

Warmest wishes,
The Lifestyle Maven