Monday, November 7, 2011
It was a pleasant day for the 10th Annual Winter Park Concours d'Elegance until the rain threatened to put a damper on things, quite literally. Fortunately, it was short lived and the sun peeked out again to reveal another pleasant November day in Central Florida. In an impressive display of antique and modern cars, super cars and headturners on six blocks of the cobbled main drag Park Avenue, in downtown Winter Park.
For those of you interested in automobiles and the lifestyles associated with them, here is some eye candy for you. Have a great week!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
It is very easy to glam up your soiree on a budget. Here are a few tips on throwing a fancy party on a budget:
Light it up. For evening affairs, it is amazing what the right lighting can do. Candles provide a great glow that makes everything look more elegant and more beautiful – including people! (Your guests will thank you for that). Arrange them in clusters or individually, take advantage of mirrors that may amplify the effect, and create extra drama by arranging them at different heights. Alternatively (or together with the candles), if you have dimmers on your lights, turn them down till you get just the right level.
Find your green thumb. Well, you don’t really need a green thumb for this, but adding flowers can add some elegance to any event. There is no need to go overboard on this - you can arrange a bunch of long stem roses in a prominent place where the light picks it up, or in front of a mirror. You can also have single stems in bud vases spread out on tables in the room. For dinner, a great idea is to cut the stems short and arrange them very tightly in short vase – square or rectangular work well, but a round one works just as well. The idea is to have them arranged tightly.
Keep it Simple. With your candles, flowers, crisp linen, and stylish stemware, you can create an elegant look very inexpensively. Your guests will notice the ambience, not the price tag. When shopping for décor elements, choose one theme and run with it. Discount stores, thrift stores and party supply stores are a good resource for finding inexpensive decorations, but you will be surprised at how much you already have in your garage or other storage. Look for what useable things you have first, and remember that you can be innovative in your ‘adaptive reuse’ of what you have. Beware of mixing kitschy and cheesy with elegant! Go for fewer items that will make the most impact.
Presentation, presentation. This is one of my favorite tips. No one has to know the food and drink is cheap – glam it up and make it pop! I serve water out of my filter, but in an elegant pitcher with some ice and slices of lemon, or cucumber, or sprigs of rosemary…you get the drift. People eat with their eyes first, so use beautiful platters and garnish the food to make it interesting. When it comes to platter and plates, I am partial to stark white plates with unique architectural details. Decanters always look great on any table and add something extra to inexpensive wine – except for the taste…
Use a time machine. Talking about wine – a not-exactly-inexpensive way to improve the taste of wine is The Perfect Sommelier ($40, theperfectsommelier.com), which transforms a wine’s molecules to help it age and mature in about 30 minutes. This will help save you some money down the line. A great investment, if you ask me.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Trusting and letting go and being assured that you will be ok in the end is a tough thing to do - especially when it comes to major decisions in your life. For people who like to have things planned, organized and controlled, this is a particularly big one.
My life has been in a state of flux the last few months regarding the next stage of my life. Lots of decisions to be made, and not enough information to make the decisions; so many things to do and not enough hours in the day to do them, while the clock ticks inexorably to the deadline in a few days...
For a while, I was stressed out about not having enough information to make decisions I needed to. This stress began to manifest itself psychosomatically, which is not a cool thing. But I went to bed one day resolved to feel better the next morning. I had to do one of my "attitude adjustments". In the process, it came to me that I had been in this position many times in my life and things always worked out somehow. Besides, what else could I do? There was no point worrying over elements I could not control. I had to center myself, reaching deep inside to the lesson I have learnt many times: things will be ok.
I once heard somewhere that if you can't solve it, it isn't a problem - it's reality. It brings to mind the Serenity Prayer and a quote my friend posted on Facebook: "Sometimes we need to stop planning the future, stop trying to figure out precisly how we feel, stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel. Sometimes we just have to live in the flow". Living in the flow of life is a wonderful way to live, but takes conscious effort on our part to keep us on track, as I had to learn once again. Not living in the flow of life is like trying to swim against the current, cutting against the grain. But living in the flow of life requires a great deal of trust; a complete faith in the process; an unquestioned belief that things will work out just the way they are meant to be - and however that works out...IS OK. And like I have said in several previous posts, no situation is intrinsically good or bad - it is the interpretation we put on them that make them good or bad for us.
We are conditioned to believe that we need to make things happen in our life and we want instant results. And as a person who believes in being the author of my life, I am constantly creating the story that is my life. But I also do know that sometimes I need to surrender. The secret and the reality, however, is that by surrendering, we do not abdicate authorship of our life; we do not relinquish control. Surrender requires a LOT more strength than trying to control things that we have no control over. Surrender is not a giving up, but a giving in - giving in to the goodness that is ours for the taking. Surrender is a conscious decision to make room for goodness in our life and all we are really doing is stepping out of our own way.
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.” ― Gilda Radner
Thursday, October 6, 2011
I'll probably never know what precipitated my bizarre emotional response as I did not know the man from Adam and had no connection with him. Oh, but I did. I had come back from the gym where I was listening to music on my iPhone, loaded with almost 6000 songs through iTunes, was working on my MacBook Pro, and called on my iPhone....
Steve Jobs was a visionary who was able to take the world on journey of his own before the world knew they wanted to go on that journey. He led the creation of products before there was a market for them and created the market for others to come rushing in. He had an uncanny knack for knowing what the consumer wanted before the consumer even knew they could want that. He literally made the world 'think different'. 10 Ways Steve Jobs Changed The World
The Apple II set the stage for a revolution in personal computers. The iPod and iTunes turned a long-established business model on its head and changed the entertainment industry in ways that the industry is still trying to come to terms with. That is arguably one of Jobs' most far-reaching revolutions. The iPhone transformed the cellular phone industry, creating a new use for cellular phones and bringing major corporations to their knees. Steve Jobs' more recent midas touch resuscitated a dead tablet market with the iPad and left the consumer-electronics giants in an ongoing arms race for tablets. Although many people were disappointed with the launch of the iPhone 4S, it was probably smart to keep the iPhone 5 for mainstream 4G technology (sometimes, Apple has to wait for the world to catch up). It is speculated that Jobs had a 10-15 year rollout plan for future Apple products.
But Steve Jobs was also a showman with a certain personal charisma, and a trademark style of presenting. The iPhone 4S might probably have been better received if he introduced it and the stocks might not have plummeted the way they did. But that is mere conjecture on my part. His Stanford commencement address in 2005 "How To Live Before You Die" is even more poignant now, especially with his candid thoughts on death and living life. "You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. You have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something...". My father had a very interesting way of putting it: "Everyone has to believe in something...I believe I'll have another beer!" That was on his favorite t-shirt...
So, I understand how Steve Jobs changed my life and the world. Whether you use an Apple product or not, everyone's life has been affect in some way by Steve Jobs' vision and revolution. People like him come along quite rarely. But while his loss is mourned, we all are better for his life and, as a result, think different.
Monday, October 3, 2011
It's often said that the two things that are certain in life are death and taxes - let me add a third: tough times. Everyone goes through some tough times regardless of one's station in life, financial stability, or optimism. I know I've had my share of them. It is very easy in life to get frustrated because sometimes things don't work out as we expect.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The first thing to know is that you don't need to have every kind of liquor to have a decently stocked bar. Probably the four most popular liquors are vodka, gin, light rum and tequila. Others you can get will include brandy and whiskey. Most common drinks can be made with these.
Monday, August 22, 2011
|Photo credit: sinfultommaso.com|
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Throwing a party, whatever the occasion, can be pretty expensive if you let it, and many times, the little things add up pretty fast! Thankfully, there are ways to throw an elegant shindig without breaking the bank. Here are 25 of my favorite tricks of the trade:
Friday, August 5, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Los Angeles is famous for the movie industry, celebrities, and Hollywood. But how well do you know the City of Angels?
Here's your chance to win three City Walk iPhone applications to cities of your choice, courtesy of GPSmyCity.com. Correctly answer all ten questions about Los Angeles below and e-mail them to email@example.com for your chance to win!
1. L.A was founded as a city in:
2. What L.A landmark appears in such movies as the Terminator and Transformers?
A. Griffith Observatory
B. Grauman's Chinese Theater
C. Hollywood Wax Museum
3. L.A was briefly part of what country?
4. What did the original Hollywood sign say?
A. Hollywood Hills
C. Welcome to Hollywood
5. The L.A city flower is the:
A. Douglas Iris
B. Bird of Paradise
C. Wood Rose
6. Whom does this famous quite belong to: "I love Los Angeles. I love Hollywood. They're beautiful. Everybody's plastic, but I love plastic. I want to be plastic."?
A. Marilyn Monroe
B. Andy Warhol
C. Elizabeth Taylor
7. Which one of these famous people was not born in L.A?
A. Angelina Jolie
B. Gwyneth Paltrow
C. Cameron Diaz
8. Californians are the largest US consumers of:
9. Marina del Rey is the largest yacht harbor in:
C. The world
10. California's popular nickname, made official in 1968 is:
A. The Sunshine State
B. The Golden State
C. The Silver State
Remember to send your answers to firstname.lastname@example.org. Good luck!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
I still think punishment is abhorrent and a parking ticket will ruin my day and the next three as well. But this piece is not about public laws and organizational rules. It's about the unwritten rules in life we feel compelled to obey because that is what society expects of us. We have rules that govern what we wear, how our relationships should work, what roles we play, how we should feel and a myriad other aspects of our life. We effectively become drones, accepting our lot in life and the status quo because that's the thing to do.
In many ways, my adult life has been one of being unconventional. It does feel like looking in from the outside sometimes, but I won't have it any other way. In the words of Robert Heinlein: "I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do".
I prefer to chart my own course in life and find myself constantly questioning conventions; essentially dancing to the beat of a different drum. It would be amazing to find out how much of our lives are dictated by convention. Breaking those rules, in my experience, has been liberating in the long run. Take a moment to think about the things you do each day and ask yourself why you do those things. Why do they have to be that way? Is that the only way it can be done? Just thinking about those questions in an objective and dispassionate manner can be quite revealing. If done right, you will feel uncomfortable with what you come up with and will realize that even what you think is right is only right because you've been conditioned to think that is what right looks like.
Get out of your comfort zone. Break some rules. Free your mind.
Monday, July 25, 2011
It is amazing how sex has changed for me over the years. Time was, when sex had but one objective: the surreptitious foray through the nether regions to reach the intoxicating heights of Mt. Olympus - the mount of the gods - if only for an all-too-brief moment. It was a speedy race to the top to reach the holy grail and an avalanche right back down that left you flushed, out of breath, and feeling less than satiated.
Like many young people, we were left wondering why there was so much secrecy, mystery and much ado about sex. Yes, it was great, but only very briefly, really. And what was so wrong about it that made it such an awful subject in polite company or at the dinner table? Somehow the clandestine nature of the subject of sex lent credence to its allure.
Sometimes I wonder how sex today would be if I'd had lots of early experience. In many ways I am still learning so much about it. You would think that at my age I would know everything about my body and about sex. The real beauty is, I am still learning, and each new revelation leaves me with a smile on my face. I find it sad that many times, sex is seen as something we do to another person, or something that is done to us. That is sad. It should be a act of mutual participation, where each partner's aim is to please and be pleased. Without that essential ingredient, it is nearly impossible for both parties to derive optimal benefit from being together.
What I do know is that there are different kinds of sex. Sex is like nature. You can have earthquakes, hurricanes, snow flurries, thunderstorms, drizzles, breezes and sometimes stillness. Sometimes several happen in succession. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it isn't. But most importantly, it is about the spiritual connection that can take place in the process. Sex is more than a genital experience. It is a spiritual experience that echoes the Biblical reference of two becoming one. It is one of those rare moments where bodies and spirits collide. A sexual encounter disconnected from a spiritual one is like flying coach when you could be flying First Class.
A spiritual sexual encounter requires both parties to be present and committed to the 'process'. It involves tuning in to the frequency of the other person as well as yourself, and interpreting the very subtle signals you give and receive. Consciously take in what you see, what you smell, what you taste, what you feel, how it feels... That is when it takes on a life of its own and the two of you take a journey that is not predetermined by either party. The only agenda is the present moment. That is when sex is no longer about the orgasm as much as it is about a certain shared intimacy. Each encounter is a new adventure, blending the tried-and-tested with new areas of exploration and an abandonment to the moment.
I have found that a spiritual sexual encounter leaves me satiated and basking in the afterglow for days after and doesn't leave me craving more (not for the moment, at least). It has taken me a while to learn the import of that, but I have also had to unlearn a lot of what I picked up growing up. Sex can be an incredibly beautiful experience, but you need to learn to 'unlimit' yourself and realize that really, there are no rules. You are the rule.
Now I'm curious: What have your sexcapades been like?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
I am - as you might imagine - very much into the finer things in life. I've always been. I've always been about exclusivity and being unique. Even as a boy, my mother always knew to get me something that was different from whatever she got for my brothers. It had to be mine - I wouldn't be caught dead in anything that could be mistaken for someone else's!
But a strange thing happened to me as I grew up. Years ago, I woke up one day to find that my car had been broken into in the driveway of my house. The stereo was taken and some other bits and bobs that I can't remember. I felt violated and angry, and also, very vulnerable. Reflecting on the events of the day and my emotions in response, I realized that these things taken away from me were just stuff. Yes, I was upset and feeling vulnerable, but it was because someone else had taken my stuff. Although the gaping hole where my car stereo had been ripped out reminded me of the atrocious act (yes, I'm being dramatic!), I made my peace when I disconnected myself from my ownership of the physical object. I had to let go.
My friend Ken Goldstein puts it very well in his new book "The Way of The Nerd": "Ownership attaches an emotion and an expectation. Expectation leads to conflict in most every situation".
We consider our romantic partners as 'ours' and so a breakup is so much more painful not because of the fact that we loved (and probably still love) them, but because we feel they had no right to take away what we considered ours. And this is amplified if a third party was involved. We cannot claim ownership of the people in our life.
A thought that brings the concept of ownership sharply into focus is that we cannot lose something we do not own. But even more importantly, no one will steal something you do not own. It's like a reverse self-fulfilling prophecy: if you don't own it, no one will steal it. Isn't that freeing? For me, it makes me sleep easier at night without fearing that my stuff will be taken. The stuff is replaceable. For the stuff I paid for, I paid for the use of it while I'm here. I came into this world kicking and screaming and with absolutely nothing - not even the clothes on my back. And I will leave without any of it as well.
I like my fine stuff. But I own none of it.
Monday, July 18, 2011
It just hit me the other day that God isn't who I thought He was. I'm not sure what went wrong along the way, but I was given a heavy dose of the wrong God. And no, it is not because someone decided to misinform me - because everyone that has crossed my spiritual path has had the best of intentions.
I was raised Catholic, went to a Catholic grade school and became the Catholic Chapel Prefect in high school and nearly went to seminary. I joined the Scripture Union at school, started a youth group in my parish, organized Bible study, gospel concerts...I was on fire.
I have no less fervor now than I did then, but my focus is now more inward than outward. My slant is more spiritual than religious. The outward appearances of self-righteousness no longer impress me. I still love the pomp and pageantry, but I realize that the God I came to believe in, had been commercialized, dressed up, and paid mere lip service. Indeed, the God I came to believe in was no more than a human fabrication, created to control people, and very successfully too.
I began a search some years ago that made me see God in a whole new light and the vision is incredibly stunning. Unfortunately, religion has covered all of that simple beauty with a lot of ritual, dogma and rules. I used to believe in a God that was watching everything you did, waiting to punish you now or later for eternity, but with a veneer of love thrown in for good measure. The God I used to believe in, was to be feared. I had to believe in him, or else...
I found that men had tried to put God in a nice little box that made it easier for them to comprehend Him. What happened was that we put limitations on God. We ascribed human emotions and thought processes to Her, and related to Him on that level. We assigned a gender that made God male because that was what a patriarchal society could accept, and our language could only support a male or female gender. The God I knew before was nothing but a human construct, made in the image of man.
Now, more than ever, I realize God is love. Now, more than ever, I feel God within me, and I feel a part of God. Now I understand that with God's gift of free will, I am a co-creator with Her each waking moment. I am a part of God, an extension of God...I am God. To fully experience God, I have to be open-minded and refrain from projecting my human limitations unto The One Spirit, and yes, let God be God.
God sees me no differently than He sees you and neither should I. God wants us to love Him of our own free will and not because of some threat of fire and brimstone. God, by whatever name we refer to Her is not Christian. Neither is He Buddhist or Muslim or Hindu. God just is. Religion pits us one against the other, creating an environment of "us versus them", each trying to claim exclusive right to God. There is more than enough God to go around! A statement made by a pastor in the movie Children of God put this in stark perspective for me: "We have to give people something to hate. It brings them together..." Now let that sink in for a moment.... It isn't so openly acknowledged, but isn't that what religion tends to do? Fortunately it is people who create the problem, not religion.
There are no exclusions in God's love. No ifs, buts or whys. God's love has no strings attached; no conditions. My faith is no longer determined by scriptural texts conveniently selected by humans to suit their purposes. God's love for me is not predicated upon anything I do or don't do. I no longer beat myself up for not being able to measure up to man-made rules made in God's name - She loves me just the way I am. My job and duty is to spread His love in everything I do.
There are no exclusions in God's love. No ifs, buts or whys. God's love has no strings attached; no conditions. My faith is no longer determined by scriptural texts conveniently selected by humans to suit their purposes. God's love for me is not predicated upon anything I do or don't do. I no longer beat myself up for not being able to measure up to man-made rules made in God's name - She loves me just the way I am. My job and duty is to spread His love in everything I do.
I have learned that God really doesn't care if you call Her Allah, the Universe, Mother Nature, God, Adi Purush, Waheguru, Elohim, use a male or female pronoun, or paint Him white, black or brown. What God does care about is that you love your neighbor as yourself. You cannot claim to love God if you are selective about which neighbor you will love, or under what conditions you will love them. Subsequently, you cannot love your neighbor if you don't love yourself. It's a simple as that!
I still attend Mass, but I worship with a new sense of freedom and an entirely new perspective.
Prayer of St. Francis
- Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
- Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
- Where there is injury, pardon.
- Where there is doubt, faith.
- Where there is despair, hope.
- Where there is darkness, light.
- Where there is sadness, joy.
- O Divine Master,
- grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
- to be understood, as to understand;
- to be loved, as to love.
- For it is in giving that we receive.
- It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
- and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Confidence is a mental state of mind that sets you apart and makes others believe in you. Confidence is the veneer that makes you appear unstoppable even though you might be feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. In a way, perception becomes the reality — the more self confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed. No one can ever have more than their fair share of confidence - ego, maybe arrogance: yes; confidence, no.
Although clothes don’t necessarily make the man, they certainly affect the way you feel about yourself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look your best, it negatively affects the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance.
This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many, but high quality items. In the long run you spend less, because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.
Imagine your body is a tall, narrow building. Place your feet about 10 inches apart. Now, make sure your knees are directly about your feet, hips above your knees, stomach above your hips, chest above your stomach and head above your chest - such that if you took a piece of heavy string and dropped it from your nose, it would fall between your feet. Keep this image in mind as you stand around at networking events, meetings and receptions.
Walk erect with your head held high, your shoulders back, your chest out and your stomach in. Imagine that someone is pulling your head up with a long piece of string push your shoulders back and smile. With the aura you create, you command respect without ever saying a word. If you walk with too much of a swagger or a strut, you could be seen as egotistic or having a pompous attitude. On the other hand, when your back is arched and your head is down, it shows a lack of confidence. Nothing screams: "lack of confidence" like slouching. Walk with shoulders high, waist not bent, and legs locked.
Pep In Your Step
Pep In Your Step
One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about themselves is to examine their walk. Is it slow? tired? painful? aimless? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do! Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your self confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important. People who walk faster are perceived to be important people. Walking a bit faster would make an impression that you are busy and about some important activity. You don't have to be panting to be walking fast enough - you just need to show a sense of purpose. It is all about making a self-image for others to see.
Don't stare at the road or at the floor when you're walking - hold your head up and maintain it at eye level. This will create opportunities to make eye contact with other people. And do make eye contact - it's a non-verbal way to say "hello".
Share The Love
When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others. Try not to do that. Instead of spreading negativity, get in the habit of praising other people and making an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well-liked and build your self confidence. By looking for the best in others, you, in effect, bring out the best in yourself.
Frowning, having a closed expression on your face or looking timid will only draw more "non confidence" towards you. Smile at people - it doesn't have to be a flash of teeth, but a pleasant expression makes you approachable, attractive and powerful.
When you are giving a presentation, use your walk as a form of physical punctuation. Strengthen transitions by stepping to the side, pauses by standing in place and emphasis and persuasion by moving forward as if you want to touch the audience. If your movement is seen to be affected or mechanical, it will detract from your presentation. Standing in one place throughout a talk, on the other hand, may indicate you're "frozen to the spot" by the fear of speaking.Taking up a reasonable amount of space equates to having power. Put your feet a few inches apart with one slightly in front of the other. This also makes it possible for you to easily change weight from one foot to the other. This is particularly important if you are behind a podium; you don't noticeably appear to be shifting weight (which you need to do so you don't get frozen in the "speaker" position). When you don't do it smoothly, this shifting can be distracting to the audience ... and to you when you become conscious of it.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Many of you might be familiar with Pareto's 80/20 principle - get 80% of your work done with 20% of your resources. I want to use as little energy as possible to get the most results. It's efficiency, plain and simple. For me, it is a transition from being effective to being efficient; or better still: effective and efficient.
Effectiveness is the easy part. As a young business owner barely out of my teens, it was important to me to be in the trenches with my crew. That was my leadership style, and besides, everyone was older than I was and I felt uncomfortable barking orders to them. It didn't help that I was a perfectionist. It was easier to do it myself and get it right, sometimes. But with a growing scope of responsibilities, I cannot be everywhere at the same time. That is where mentoring, delegation, and succession planning come in.
To work smarter, you should focus on the big stuff; things that will make the most bang - the rest will follow. In the same vein, you have to manage your time differently - spending more time on the things that will produce the biggest result, not necessarily the most aesthetically pleasing. Not every battle needs to be fought to win the war: pick your battles.
I'm not 100% motivated 100% of the time, and I'm pretty sure the same goes for you as well. Motivation comes and goes like waves - when you have a nice big wave, ride it all the way. After it's crested, you don't need to spin your wheels because you'll be spending a lot more of your energy for little return. Besides, another wave will certainly come again; the downside, however, is that you may not know when the next one will be, or how long it will last. But if you're resourceful enough, I'm sure you can make your own waves...
In my experience, there's almost always a better way to do any given task, and I'm always looking for that. I don't want to spend energy I don't need to be spending. Don't restrict yourself to a method just because that's the way it's always been. In several jobs I've had my supervisors would get frustrated with all the 'why' questions I had. But I needed to know why I was doing any given task in the context of the whole. That perspective also give me ideas to streamline processes.
There are two kinds of people: those who work hard and those who work smart. Those who work hard measure their success in the number of hours they work and hope it reflects in their paycheck. Those who work smart measure their success in how much discretionary time they have available. That's the kind of guy I want to be! I'm sure many of you were either told or made to believe that you had to 'pay your dues' in hard work, and the only reason for that was 'because you have to'. No you don't!
I have no interest in working hard only to find that I don't have the time to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I want to have a work-life balance that keeps me excited, energized and enthusiastic. I want to work in my retirement because I love what I do and it keeps me young.
Take a moment to think today what message you're sending to kids by your words and actions about life and work. Are you teaching them to work hard or work smart?
I dunno 'bout you, but as for me, the only thing I'm going to work hard at...is working smart.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Those of you who have been following my blog and Facebook page might have noticed that I have an incurable sweet tooth. I love cakes and pastries. Unfortunately, I have not seemed to be able to acquire the skill of creating a cupcake that remotely looks adult and elegant.
The other day, I was excited when I was forwarded some information about these wonderful cupcakes. Even better is knowing that I could learn the secrets of making 'couture' cupcakes and 'vintage' cupcakes...who knew?
Cupcakes By Chrissie hosts decorating classes based in Birmingham, in the UK's West Midlands region, and the "cupcake kitchen" has been featured in the UK magazine Style at Home. So I guess I know where I'm headed on my next trip to the UK...!
These cupcake decorating classes have attracted hundreds of students from all over the UK and Europe. You can also join their growing Facebook community Cupcakes by Chrissie for cupcake fans to see students work, read reviews and get useful recipe tips. You will find information about the classes on their website.
So who's joining me for a class? If any of you attend a class before I do, please let me know how it goes!
If you stumble upon any interesting finds, send them to me by email or on Facebook, so we can share the love!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Just about everyone of us has been hurt by someone else's words or actions (or inaction). It could close friends, family or someone we were romantically involved with. Whatever they said or did probably made us hurt, angry, resentful, or betrayed the trust we had in them. In 40 years, I've had my share of them!
To forgive the actions of another means making a conscious choice to release yourself of the anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge. It doesn't just happen. Notice I said releasing yourself, not the other person. Forgiveness does not make what the other person did okay. It does not imply making excuses for what they did. You don't need to tell them they are forgiven to make the forgiveness effective. Forgiveness is a way to rid yourself of negative emotions so you can make room for more positive energy. Forgiveness, in a sense, is more about you than it is about the other person. It is about keeping you in a state of peace.
Forgiveness puts the controls back into your hands. When you forgive, you transition from being a victim to being the hero of your life. You may not have had control over the other person's actions, but you have control over what you do with your emotions and your life after that. Whether you choose to be consumed in the bitterness, resentment and anger caused by someone else, or you choose to disentangle yourself from all of that negativity, the choice is ultimately yours. For many people, unfortunately, the latter is easier to do.
Now, forgiving is not a magic wand that makes the pain and hurt go away! Far from it. It is a paradigm shift in your attitude that frees you from the negativity and helps you move on in life with less baggage. The hurt might take some time to heal, but the anger and thoughts of revenge will dissipate. It is surprising how many people carry the resentments of past relationships into new ones and poison them. The resentment is often so deeply buried they do not even know it exists, but it lurks in the shadows, secreting its venom surreptitiously....
Forgiveness does not necessarily mean your relationship with the other person will be reconciled. I have usually made an effort to reconcile those relationships, but reconciliation is not always possible, or even appropriate. It is difficult to reconcile such relationships if the other person accepts no responsibility for their actions that hurt you, or if they refuse to talk to you, of if they died. Forgiveness is not dependent on reconciliation.
Sometimes the person who needs forgiveness is you. For many years after my father died, I held on to the anger that I was not there when he passed away, as was the rest of the family. With a limited phone network and an almost non existent ambulance service, I had to physically go and get help. He asked me not to go, but I wasn't about to stand by and do nothing. I even left my wallet and had to come back home. I was at the doctor's when my brother called me and said, "Don't worry, it's over..." Many years later I realized I had to forgive myself and I did. I still feel the sadness and hurt, but it's no longer angry. I miss my father and wished I was there when he took his last breath, but I can now embrace that sadness.
My process of forgiving has involved writing a letter addressed to the other person venting my feelings. Once I'm done I read it over (I'm often amazed at my emotions), and with the letter in my hand, I close my eyes and begin deep breathing exercises, breathing in forgiveness and releasing all my anger into the letter. When I feel relaxed and rid of my anger, I burn the letter and watch my anger go up in flames...
Who do you need to forgive today?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
But a friend of mine gave me a new and insightful perspective on my eating habits. He said, "Make sure everything that goes into your body benefits it in some way." In other words, if it isn't helping your body in some way, that is extra work you're giving your body and you'll pay for it later. In this school of thought, your diet is not based on calorie counts or low-carbs, or whatever the current fad is, but on the nutritional value of what you're eating. Is it helping you live longer, live better, sleep better, run faster or have better sex? If it isn't doing anything positive for your body, take a second look at it.
Thankfully, I have kept my waist size fairly stable so far: (it's grown 3 inches since I was 16, and no, I'm not telling you what my waist size is, thank you very much!) My weight, on the other hand, has jumped about 20 lbs. as my body changed from the skinny teenager I was, to the more man-like size I am today. I have noticed my metabolism slow down, but I've tried to keep it up with exercise and activity. Call me vain, but even though I am in the 'normal' range for my weight and height, I liked my body better when it was 5 lbs. lighter...
Every few months, I do a 'refrigerator and pantry audit' to assess what kinds of foods I have and also to purge myself of negative net-value food that I might have stealthily introduced over time (yes, I do that too). This also gives me the opportunity to stock up on more positive net-value foods. You might want to do that too...
You are what you eat...hmmm...so what am I? Food for thought...
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
I once heard a speaker talking about the difference between hearing and listening and I found it rather fascinating. It is easy to hear what someone says without really listening to what they have to say. Listening requires active participation - hearing doesn't. You can hear just by virtue of the fact that you have working ears. Listening involves paying attention to words, inflections and tone, as well as reading between the lines to find emotion, context, motive, what is said, and even what is not said. Listening is discovering what is really being said.
Listening requires a genuine desire and interest in what is being said and in the person talking. It requires a willingness to make a meaningful connection with a speaker and their message, and go along on a journey with them. Effective listening will involve keeping an open mind and reserving your judgement, focusing on the message, being engaged in the conversation, and avoiding the urge to be defensive (even if you feel attacked). Yes, to really listen, you need to shut up.
Have you ever been around someone who just seems to love the sound of their own voice and found it difficult to get a word in edgewise? Many of us have at some point. Those situations might have left us wanting to find an excuse just to get away because we felt we were not being recognized - our thoughts were not needed, wanted, or important enough to the other person.
Each one of us wants to feel acknowledged - and listening is a good way to make people feel acknowledged. Everyone wants to feel like they're being heard - listened to. By communicating through the simple act of listening that whatever the other person has to say is important to you, you communicate that the other person is important to you. This creates a shared bond that we all crave and does wonders for all kinds of relationships.
Make someone feel important today. You'll be glad you did.
Monday, July 4, 2011
As a producer of live shows, and commercials at 24 years of age, I used to be what you would call a perfectionist. The shade of a color had to be exact; the crease on a drape would had to be just-so; the music had to be at a certain decibel level....
You can imagine how frustrated I became and how unhappy I could be, if the slightest nuance was anything other than I had imagined. A whole show could be ruined in my eyes because the host didn't reach the podium at the precise point I wanted in the music. It didn't matter to me that no one in the audience was aware that anything was gone awry.
And this is by no means an ode to mediocrity. I still abhor giving anything that is less than stellar. However, I have found that I can still have very high standards without sweating the small stuff. It's about balance and priorities. Some things are not worth the extra effort if its sole purpose is the achievement of perfection. If at a place-setting, the knife is placed half an inch too far away from the spoon, does it ruin the whole? Will agonizing over that imperfection change anything? Indeed, will making the adjustment add much more to the event? How many people will notice the subtle 'imperfection'? I had to learn what was important and what was not. I'd rather spend my time making sure that the food is at the right temperature and brought in on time and served right, than checking how many inches the knife is from from the spoon...
Too many people accept mediocrity and that is wrong. But then an obsession for perfection is also wrong. I'm all for excellence, but beyond a certain point, the law of diminishing returns sets in, and anything after that is a personal quest for the impossible, because perfection is a moving target. Trying to achieve perfection is like trying to be God. You can come awfully close to it, but you cannot be it. There isn't just a fine line between excellence and perfection - it's a chasm!
As Harriet Braiker put it: "Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing."
Friday, July 1, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Kathie was born to a mother with substance abuse problems, and witnessed her mother battered. She was herself sexually abused between the ages of 3 and 7, was a victim of arson, then separated from her siblings and put up for foster care. She was eventually adopted when she was 11. We have heard many horror stories about how people who go through such harrowing experiences at a young age turn out. Not Kathie.
She wrote to me regarding my "40 Things..." post on "Gratitude":
"...the two things that got me through these experiences are forgiveness and gratitude. Even as a child, it was in my DNA to understand that I needed to be grateful for these experiences - not only for the way in which they contributed to who I am today, but because they happened to me and not to someone who couldn't have handled them."
This still makes my eyes well up. This is not just a true story of the attitude of gratitude, but also the triumph of the human spirit. This was the story of one woman who would not let the circumstances of her life situation dictate the trajectory of her life. It is all too easy to blame our life circumstances on our parents, or our hard life, or on someone who was unwilling to help, or some element of society conspiring against our success. It takes a certain stoicism and resilience to push through all that, but it can be done. In an odd sort of way, on the other hand, it requires a peculiar vulnerability and acceptance of the situation, in the same way a reed is more likely to survive an intense storm than an oak tree is.
A little over five years ago, my life changed dramatically overnight and for a moment, I thought my life, as I knew it, was coming to an end. A few days later, after wading through the sea of my despair and confusion, and resolving to make the most of what life I had left, I had my most profound spiritual experience yet. I recall speaking to a psychologist friend and wondering whether I was okay: my exhilarating feeling of joy seemed terribly out of place in my circumstances. I had to know I wasn't loosing my marbles! What happened was that I opened myself to peace once I stopped fighting and surrendered - hence my indescribable joy. I eventually realized that, ironically, small things get me more worked up than major life upheavals - once I discovered the strength in me. That is what brought me to this point.
Echoing what Kathie said to me in her email, if you are brought to the situation, you will be brought through the situation with the attitude of gratitude and a generous helping of forgiveness, even if it is only forgiving yourself. Like her, I have learnt that the human spirit is indomitable and incredibly elastic; bouncing back eventually and bouncing back stronger. Just like intense heat refines precious metals, intense situations refine precious spirits - yours included.
My sincere thanks to Kathie for inspiring this piece!
Once again, your comments and stories are welcome. Stay blessed.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Permit me to get on a soapbox today. I just watched a TV series that rubbed me the wrong way and for all the wrong reasons. There was nothing wrong the the episode I watched in anyway, except that, as art imitating life, it put into perspective one of my pet peeves.
Part of the episode included the beating of a young man by three other males because he was gay and how his four friends each reacted to the startling reminder of their vulnerability. I felt a melange of emotions so raw I surprised myself, since I am not given to particularly strong emotions. I felt deep sorrow, seething rage, utter disgust and a primal urge to scream.
Violence of any sort upsets me. Violence against any kind of minority enrages me. Regarding this TV show episode, the person who was beaten (I refuse to use the word 'victim'), was minding his own business at a gas station and made no threatening gestures; used no threatening words. So why was he attacked?
But much as we would like to wish it away as some misguided, ignorant individuals who couldn't possibly count among our circle of friends, I beg to differ. Those three men represent us in some form or fashion, to some degree. It may not be expressed as outwardly or violently, and it may not be against gay people, but we look at people who are different from us in some way, through the prism of our prejudice. And prejudice is a result of ignorance. Unfortunately, even religions adopt an 'us-versus-them' attitude.
We hurt people in subtle ways because of their skin color, hair color, height, race, religious beliefs, sexual orientation and identity, their bank accounts (or lack thereof), their size and a host of other factors. The absence of action, is, in itself, an action. You may not go around bashing people physically, but are you doing anything to make things better? Are we so insecure about ourselves that we have to bring others down to feel better about ourselves and the cocoons we have created for ourselves?
"Ralph W. Sockman
As one who has lived in, and visited many countries, and as one one who has been on both sides of the minority-majority divide, I know that we all want the same things. We all want to love and be loved, whether we are the oppressors or the oppressed, yet we cannot see beyond our noses to find the inextricable bond that we share. One of my favorite songs is Colors of the Wind, from Disney's Pocahontas, and my favorite verse there goes:
"You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger,
you'll find things you never knew you never knew..."
If there is one thing I've learnt in 40 years, it is tolerance. Let's make a pact today to teach our kids to be tolerant. The world doesn't need any more hatred of any sort. In the words of Rodney King: "Can we all get along?" A difference in opinion or perspective on life is not equivalent to being an enemy. Remember the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
I will now get off my soapbox. Thank you for reading.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
After traveling to more than twenty countries in four continents, I can confidently say that barring some cultural nuances, a smile is generally internationally understood and acknowledged. Smile, and, indeed, the world smiles with you.
A song that puts both a smile and a tear on my face is Smile, a standard that was originally recorded for Charlie Chaplin:
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you...
I have seen how people are positively affected by a simple smile. There've been times I have flashed a smile to a surly waiter or receptionist and gotten better service. A smile announces that you bring good energy and a positive spirit.
But a smile is good for us as well. I can only speak from experience, but I'm sure many can relate. A smile puts me in a good mood if I'm able to push through what I'm feeling. I've been told by some that they find my smile attractive (I say 'thank you'). We are all attracted to people who smile, and a smile actually makes you more attractive - and that goes a long way in boosting sex appeal! Scientists also say it helps your immune system, lowers your blood pressure, relieves stress, and all sorts of other good stuff. Now, if those aren't good enough reasons, smiling actually makes you appear more confident and successful....
So smile some more to look younger, feel younger and live longer - it couldn't hurt - and put a smile on someone else's face today!